Move
Kelly McGonigal On The Scientific Connection Between Movement And Self-Love
Everyone’s talking about love this month, and we’re no exception. But instead of focusing on romantic love, we’re exploring self-love—because ultimately, the relationship you have with yourself becomes the foundation of all your other relationships.
To understand the role that movement—and barre3 specifically—plays in self-love, we talked with psychologist, Stanford lecturer, and author Kelly McGonigal. In her newly released (and utterly fascinating) book The Joy of Movement, McGonigal digs into the science behind the benefits of movement, explaining why people who are physically active are happier and more satisfied with their lives, have a stronger sense of purpose, experience more gratitude, love and hope, feel more connected to their communities, are less likely to become depressed, and so much more.
Read on for our conversation with McGonigal, where we discuss the definition of self-love, why we release emotions during exercise, the crucial role connection plays in our self-image, and—our favorite—why self-love has nothing to do with being selfish.
B3 MAGAZINE: Let’s start with the basics: How do you define self-love?
KELLY MCGONIGAL: On the surface, self-love can sound like you worship yourself or you think you’re the best. This isn’t my definition at all. I tell people to think of it like the love you have for other people. When you truly love someone, you want the best for them, you see the good in them, and you accept their flaws. You believe in them and their capacity to change, and you’re willing to do things that support their health and happiness. Self-love is all of these things, just directed toward yourself. It’s a relationship with yourself where you accept who you are, you see your capacity for change, and you’re willing to invest in yourself.
B3 MAGAZINE: In your book The Joy of Movement, you write about the myriad benefits of movement—so many of which are linked to self-love. But before we can experience all of the amazing benefits, we have to actually get ourselves moving.
KELLY: Exactly, and that’s step one of where self-love comes into play. When you love someone and see that there’s something you could do to help them, you do it. It’s the same for yourself. It’s an act of self-love to choose to move your body, because moving your body is a gift. You’re investing in your future happiness.
B3 MAGAZINE: Once you get moving, what happens in your body that triggers the emotions related to self-love?
KELLY: It’s everything from the changes in your brain chemistry—endorphins, dopamine, endocannabinoids that boost mood—to the lactate your muscles produce (yes, lactic acid is actually an antidepressant!). Movement is like a therapeutic treatment. Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, self-criticism, or depression—however you happen to be stuck in the quicksand—your muscles know how to take care of you. It requires no internal conversation. If you don’t know how to think your way into self-love, you can move your way into self-love. And if you regularly move your body and experience the emotions it can release, like hope, joy, and connection, you’re primed to experience these emotions more often.
B3 MAGAZINE: In your book, you explain that movement is intertwined with some of the most basic human joys, one of which is self-expression. Can you talk about how this is connected to self-love?
KELLY: Again, think of how you treat people you love. You allow them to express their worries, their anger, their sadness; you make space for whatever they’re feeling. Movement allows us to do this for ourselves: to make room for whatever we carry with us into the workout session. It’s an act of self-love to give ourselves this opportunity, and it fosters self-love to allow ourselves to be with these feelings.
B3 MAGAZINE: Several of the runners you mentioned in your book mentioned that they sometimes cry while they run—not out of physical pain, but as a release for feelings that emerge as they move. Is it typical for movement to trigger that type of authentic expression of feelings, even for people who aren’t usually emotive?
KELLY: Yes, absolutely. The neurochemistry of exercise primes us to be open to insights and connection. Someone recently asked me why people cry during a workout. Often, physical activity teaches an attitude of mindfulness and acceptance, creating a safe moment for emotions that wouldn’t normally emerge to come to the surface. Movement allows us to feel these things, to be with them. It’s not that exercise gets rid of the feelings, but that it allows us to feel them in a way that’s not so overwhelming. It opens us up to a wonderful vulnerability—a new way of thinking, feeling, and, ultimately, embracing ourselves.
B3 MAGAZINE: We often think of self-love as an individual thing, but so much of it has to do with our external relationships. In your book you talk about how social connection is one of the most—if not the most—important benefits of movement. Can you talk about how this ladders up to self-love?
KELLY: I always tell people, “self-compassion is not do-it-yourself compassion.” When you move with others, you’re allowing yourself to receive the kindness of others, allowing them to see the good in you. They witness your persistence, your strength, your commitment to self-care. You feel seen and celebrated.
At the same time, you’re seeing the good in the people moving with you, and you find yourself caring for and connecting to them—and this becomes a resource for you to do the same for yourself. You celebrate in them the things you’re seeking for yourself. It’s an act of self-love to notice how beautiful the expression of someone else’s movement is, to admire when someone is working to the edge of their capacity. This becomes a way to see it for yourself as a possibility, to believe in your own capacity to grow and change.
B3 MAGAZINE: In other words, in order to practice self-love, sometimes we need to turn the attention away from ourselves.
KELLY: That’s exactly it. Self-love doesn’t come from an ego-driven, self-focused mindset. When we allow ourselves to care about, appreciate, and support others, it opens the door to receiving that kind of love from others, and extending it to ourselves.
B3 MAGAZINE: Throughout your book, you give examples of how physical activity helped people realize they were capable of things they never imagined they could do, whether it was someone doing 1,000 squats as part of her rehab after a stroke or a Tough Mudder participant overcoming a lifelong fear by jumping off a high platform into water. How does overcoming fears and obstacles play into self- love?
KELLY: It helps us create a new story for ourselves. We go from thinking “I can’t do this,” to believing “I’m the kind of person who can do amazing things.” Barre3 is especially helpful in this regard, because unlike other sports, where you might be honing one specific ability—the ability to persist in running, for example—in barre3 you’re moving through so many different qualities of movement. Sometimes it’s stability, sometimes it’s being grounded, sometimes it’s pushing yourself, and sometimes it’s connecting to a flow state. You get to exercise each of these all in one workout. You get to literally sense your own strength and grace.
B3 MAGAZINE: We hear from clients all the time that our studios are like a second home to them, so clearly the connection aspect of movement is strong there. But our online clients often tell us that they feel connected to our community, too—which of course, we love hearing.
KELLY: This is where mindset can play a big role. Take a moment to think about the other people who are doing an online workout with you. Connect to social media and let yourself be moved by others’ stories—or share your own. When you open yourself to a community that is not limited by your local neighborhood, it can help you feel more connected to the world. It’s a unique kind of belonging. I also have been thinking a lot lately about what happens when you work out alone, including in front of a mirror. The research shows that when you move with someone, you feel closer to them. I think the same can be true for moving alone. It’s an invitation to build self-trust and self-appreciation. You allow yourself to have a moment of moving with yourself, to see yourself with acceptance instead of critiquing yourself.
B3 MAGAZINE: We often think our self-image is all in our minds, but in your book you talk about proprioception, which is the ability to perceive your body’s movements. As you explain it, your muscles and joints send signals to the regions of your brain that produce our self-awareness. You wrote, “at some very basic level, you know who you are because your body tells you.” Can you talk a bit about this?
KELLY: We all have a sense of self that’s mediated through others—how we think others view us—or through the mirror. Proprioception provides an alternative way to construct a sense of self. With proprioception, it’s a direct sense of self: “I am strong in this pose.” “I am grounded in this pose.” “I’m free and limitless.” We understand all of this internally, through movement, rather than externally. We don’t need someone else to tell us; we can sense these parts of ourselves.
It also helps to understand the concept of affective, or emotional, touch. We have receptors in our skin and body that only exist to help us receive touch from others. When you get a massage, for example, the receptors release feelings of being loved and cared for. There’s a theory that there’s a similar system deep in our muscles and our connective tissue. Slow-flow movement that gets deep into our muscles and connective tissue produces the physical sensation of love and care, but internally. Our bodies seem to be designed to be able to give us the sensation of being cared for, producing the sensation of self-love through movement.
B3 MAGAZINE: Do you have any final tips on how to foster self-love?
KELLY: Yes: If you want to experience self-love, express gratitude toward yourself and toward your body during the workout. It can be as simple as saying to yourself, “Thank you for choosing to do this when you could have stayed in bed.” Gratitude toward your body is essential. It’s the one friend who has been with you always and will be with you through the end. No matter what scars it might carry, what injuries it’s nursing, it’s the one constant in your life. You can’t treat it like an enemy, like something you have to constantly battle. If you want to experience self-love, show it gratitude.
Ready to start your self-love journey? Find your local studio or get started with 15 days of barre3 online, totally free.
Everyone’s talking about love this month, and we’re no exception. But instead of focusing on romantic love, we’re exploring self-love—because ultimately, the relationship you have with yourself becomes the foundation of all your other relationships.
To understand the role that movement—and barre3 specifically—plays in self-love, we talked with psychologist, Stanford lecturer, and author Kelly McGonigal. In her newly released (and utterly fascinating) book The Joy of Movement, McGonigal digs into the science behind the benefits of movement, explaining why people who are physically active are happier and more satisfied with their lives, have a stronger sense of purpose, experience more gratitude, love and hope, feel more connected to their communities, are less likely to become depressed, and so much more.
Read on for our conversation with McGonigal, where we discuss the definition of self-love, why we release emotions during exercise, the crucial role connection plays in our self-image, and—our favorite—why self-love has nothing to do with being selfish.
B3 MAGAZINE: Let’s start with the basics: How do you define self-love?
KELLY MCGONIGAL: On the surface, self-love can sound like you worship yourself or you think you’re the best. This isn’t my definition at all. I tell people to think of it like the love you have for other people. When you truly love someone, you want the best for them, you see the good in them, and you accept their flaws. You believe in them and their capacity to change, and you’re willing to do things that support their health and happiness. Self-love is all of these things, just directed toward yourself. It’s a relationship with yourself where you accept who you are, you see your capacity for change, and you’re willing to invest in yourself.
B3 MAGAZINE: In your book The Joy of Movement, you write about the myriad benefits of movement—so many of which are linked to self-love. But before we can experience all of the amazing benefits, we have to actually get ourselves moving.
KELLY: Exactly, and that’s step one of where self-love comes into play. When you love someone and see that there’s something you could do to help them, you do it. It’s the same for yourself. It’s an act of self-love to choose to move your body, because moving your body is a gift. You’re investing in your future happiness.
B3 MAGAZINE: Once you get moving, what happens in your body that triggers the emotions related to self-love?
KELLY: It’s everything from the changes in your brain chemistry—endorphins, dopamine, endocannabinoids that boost mood—to the lactate your muscles produce (yes, lactic acid is actually an antidepressant!). Movement is like a therapeutic treatment. Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, self-criticism, or depression—however you happen to be stuck in the quicksand—your muscles know how to take care of you. It requires no internal conversation. If you don’t know how to think your way into self-love, you can move your way into self-love. And if you regularly move your body and experience the emotions it can release, like hope, joy, and connection, you’re primed to experience these emotions more often.
B3 MAGAZINE: In your book, you explain that movement is intertwined with some of the most basic human joys, one of which is self-expression. Can you talk about how this is connected to self-love?
KELLY: Again, think of how you treat people you love. You allow them to express their worries, their anger, their sadness; you make space for whatever they’re feeling. Movement allows us to do this for ourselves: to make room for whatever we carry with us into the workout session. It’s an act of self-love to give ourselves this opportunity, and it fosters self-love to allow ourselves to be with these feelings.
B3 MAGAZINE: Several of the runners you mentioned in your book mentioned that they sometimes cry while they run—not out of physical pain, but as a release for feelings that emerge as they move. Is it typical for movement to trigger that type of authentic expression of feelings, even for people who aren’t usually emotive?
KELLY: Yes, absolutely. The neurochemistry of exercise primes us to be open to insights and connection. Someone recently asked me why people cry during a workout. Often, physical activity teaches an attitude of mindfulness and acceptance, creating a safe moment for emotions that wouldn’t normally emerge to come to the surface. Movement allows us to feel these things, to be with them. It’s not that exercise gets rid of the feelings, but that it allows us to feel them in a way that’s not so overwhelming. It opens us up to a wonderful vulnerability—a new way of thinking, feeling, and, ultimately, embracing ourselves.
B3 MAGAZINE: We often think of self-love as an individual thing, but so much of it has to do with our external relationships. In your book you talk about how social connection is one of the most—if not the most—important benefits of movement. Can you talk about how this ladders up to self-love?
KELLY: I always tell people, “self-compassion is not do-it-yourself compassion.” When you move with others, you’re allowing yourself to receive the kindness of others, allowing them to see the good in you. They witness your persistence, your strength, your commitment to self-care. You feel seen and celebrated.
At the same time, you’re seeing the good in the people moving with you, and you find yourself caring for and connecting to them—and this becomes a resource for you to do the same for yourself. You celebrate in them the things you’re seeking for yourself. It’s an act of self-love to notice how beautiful the expression of someone else’s movement is, to admire when someone is working to the edge of their capacity. This becomes a way to see it for yourself as a possibility, to believe in your own capacity to grow and change.
B3 MAGAZINE: In other words, in order to practice self-love, sometimes we need to turn the attention away from ourselves.
KELLY: That’s exactly it. Self-love doesn’t come from an ego-driven, self-focused mindset. When we allow ourselves to care about, appreciate, and support others, it opens the door to receiving that kind of love from others, and extending it to ourselves.
B3 MAGAZINE: Throughout your book, you give examples of how physical activity helped people realize they were capable of things they never imagined they could do, whether it was someone doing 1,000 squats as part of her rehab after a stroke or a Tough Mudder participant overcoming a lifelong fear by jumping off a high platform into water. How does overcoming fears and obstacles play into self- love?
KELLY: It helps us create a new story for ourselves. We go from thinking “I can’t do this,” to believing “I’m the kind of person who can do amazing things.” Barre3 is especially helpful in this regard, because unlike other sports, where you might be honing one specific ability—the ability to persist in running, for example—in barre3 you’re moving through so many different qualities of movement. Sometimes it’s stability, sometimes it’s being grounded, sometimes it’s pushing yourself, and sometimes it’s connecting to a flow state. You get to exercise each of these all in one workout. You get to literally sense your own strength and grace.
B3 MAGAZINE: We hear from clients all the time that our studios are like a second home to them, so clearly the connection aspect of movement is strong there. But our online clients often tell us that they feel connected to our community, too—which of course, we love hearing.
KELLY: This is where mindset can play a big role. Take a moment to think about the other people who are doing an online workout with you. Connect to social media and let yourself be moved by others’ stories—or share your own. When you open yourself to a community that is not limited by your local neighborhood, it can help you feel more connected to the world. It’s a unique kind of belonging. I also have been thinking a lot lately about what happens when you work out alone, including in front of a mirror. The research shows that when you move with someone, you feel closer to them. I think the same can be true for moving alone. It’s an invitation to build self-trust and self-appreciation. You allow yourself to have a moment of moving with yourself, to see yourself with acceptance instead of critiquing yourself.
B3 MAGAZINE: We often think our self-image is all in our minds, but in your book you talk about proprioception, which is the ability to perceive your body’s movements. As you explain it, your muscles and joints send signals to the regions of your brain that produce our self-awareness. You wrote, “at some very basic level, you know who you are because your body tells you.” Can you talk a bit about this?
KELLY: We all have a sense of self that’s mediated through others—how we think others view us—or through the mirror. Proprioception provides an alternative way to construct a sense of self. With proprioception, it’s a direct sense of self: “I am strong in this pose.” “I am grounded in this pose.” “I’m free and limitless.” We understand all of this internally, through movement, rather than externally. We don’t need someone else to tell us; we can sense these parts of ourselves.
It also helps to understand the concept of affective, or emotional, touch. We have receptors in our skin and body that only exist to help us receive touch from others. When you get a massage, for example, the receptors release feelings of being loved and cared for. There’s a theory that there’s a similar system deep in our muscles and our connective tissue. Slow-flow movement that gets deep into our muscles and connective tissue produces the physical sensation of love and care, but internally. Our bodies seem to be designed to be able to give us the sensation of being cared for, producing the sensation of self-love through movement.
B3 MAGAZINE: Do you have any final tips on how to foster self-love?
KELLY: Yes: If you want to experience self-love, express gratitude toward yourself and toward your body during the workout. It can be as simple as saying to yourself, “Thank you for choosing to do this when you could have stayed in bed.” Gratitude toward your body is essential. It’s the one friend who has been with you always and will be with you through the end. No matter what scars it might carry, what injuries it’s nursing, it’s the one constant in your life. You can’t treat it like an enemy, like something you have to constantly battle. If you want to experience self-love, show it gratitude.
Ready to start your self-love journey? Find your local studio or get started with 15 days of barre3 online, totally free.
