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HOW MY BARRE3 PRACTICE KEEPS ME SOBER
When members of our community reach out to tell us about their barre3 journey, they mention the physical benefits, but even more than that, they rave about the mental benefits—particularly the feeling of empowerment. That’s exactly what online client Jenni Skeen found in barre3. Read on for her powerful account of how barre3 plays an instrumental role in empowering her on her journey to stay sober.
“You’ve been here before. You are stronger than you think.” – Christa Joy
My heart races. I inhale and exhale as rhythmically and deeply as I can. I shake and I quake. I beg my mind to replay familiar phrases like a projector onto a mental movie screen: “You’ve been here before.” “You are stronger than you think.” If I believe these words, if I breathe in these words, I can make it through the overwhelming intensity of this moment. And I do. I reverse my car and exit the liquor-store parking lot.
As of the deadline of this article, I will have 425 days sober. One could call it serendipity, or possibly even kismet, but I discovered barre3 studio classes one week before I quit drinking. Studio attendance became difficult due to the logistics of life. But I liked what I had learned, so I logged in to barre3 online. What I discovered was perhaps the single greatest item in my sober toolbox.
Was I a daily drinker? No. Did I hit a rock bottom? Not necessarily. I still have my daughter, my marriage, my house, my job, my driver’s license. I was simply overdrinking. For me, it’s easy to do. That’s the scientific effect of booze on the brain: It changes brain chemistry to crave more of it. Some nights were epic celebrations and I cherish every rowdy, fuzzy moment. Other times, “I’m just going to have one drink” spun into “I’m just going to have one more drink” and resulted in a late-night taxi home and a blaring hangover. More than once, I overdrank and blacked out and bad things happened. These things will stay with me for the rest of my life.
Many times I drank with a mission: to anesthetize. I have big feelings. They are loud and disruptive. I attempt to numb these emotions because sometimes they seem physically intolerable. I drink away awkwardness, frustration, and sorrow. I drink away grief; I drink away trauma. I drink away the good stuff, too, because even the tingle of excitement and exhilaration can seem too fervent to endure. Even joy can feel like fire. I would prefer to deprive myself of all sensation than to allow one sensation to rattle me or injure me.
“You can do this. Your body can do it. We’re retraining the brain.” – Meredith
You can’t press stop on real life. So instead I press play. I shut my bedroom door, turn on my computer, and take time for myself, knowing I’ll walk away stronger. My range of choices is vast, and I can watch my favorites over and over. What does my body need today—and more importantly, what does my brain need today? Maybe I need a nurturing and gentle practice. Often I need to shoot steam from my ears in beast mode. And occasionally, I just need to collapse on my mat and sob raw and ugly sobs.
Sitting with big feelings can prove more painful than any posture. I would gladly trade them for a Power Leg or a Boat Pose. I mean, I’ve encountered many a Narrow V I thought might just end my life. During those postures, I want to stop the burn, to give into the moment. And I think to myself mid-hold: “If you dig deep, you can get through this burn. If you can get through this burn, you can get through a drink craving.”
“Take it at your own pace. There is no judgement for taking it at your own pace.” – Andrew
Life is a balance challenge, and sober life feels particularly wobbly. Every day is different. Every day we meet a new reality. I try not to judge myself. But sometimes I crave my numb booze cocoon and think, “I should be over this by now. What’s taking me so long?” I vasciliate daily between being powerful warrior and a hot mess. I fall in and out of grace. Sometimes I find my feet rooted into the ground. Each is ok. Each is fine. I have moments of digging my heels deep, hoping I don’t crash and burn. But I’m having more moments where I emerge with more strength and grace.
Quitting drinking has rocked my world and rattled me to the core. The process has been equally brutal and beautiful. I’m so proud of my hard work. It is of crucial importance to collect items for a sober toolbox: an understanding community, healthy practices. When we have these tools, we set ourselves up for success. We learn how to rebuild and we can astonish ourselves by breaking through our own limits. So in those burning moments, we can say, “I’ve been here before. I’m stronger than I think.”
Thank you Jenni! Join the barre3 online community and sign up for a 15-day free trial today.
When members of our community reach out to tell us about their barre3 journey, they mention the physical benefits, but even more than that, they rave about the mental benefits—particularly the feeling of empowerment. That’s exactly what online client Jenni Skeen found in barre3. Read on for her powerful account of how barre3 plays an instrumental role in empowering her on her journey to stay sober.
“You’ve been here before. You are stronger than you think.” – Christa Joy
My heart races. I inhale and exhale as rhythmically and deeply as I can. I shake and I quake. I beg my mind to replay familiar phrases like a projector onto a mental movie screen: “You’ve been here before.” “You are stronger than you think.” If I believe these words, if I breathe in these words, I can make it through the overwhelming intensity of this moment. And I do. I reverse my car and exit the liquor-store parking lot.
As of the deadline of this article, I will have 425 days sober. One could call it serendipity, or possibly even kismet, but I discovered barre3 studio classes one week before I quit drinking. Studio attendance became difficult due to the logistics of life. But I liked what I had learned, so I logged in to barre3 online. What I discovered was perhaps the single greatest item in my sober toolbox.
Was I a daily drinker? No. Did I hit a rock bottom? Not necessarily. I still have my daughter, my marriage, my house, my job, my driver’s license. I was simply overdrinking. For me, it’s easy to do. That’s the scientific effect of booze on the brain: It changes brain chemistry to crave more of it. Some nights were epic celebrations and I cherish every rowdy, fuzzy moment. Other times, “I’m just going to have one drink” spun into “I’m just going to have one more drink” and resulted in a late-night taxi home and a blaring hangover. More than once, I overdrank and blacked out and bad things happened. These things will stay with me for the rest of my life.
Many times I drank with a mission: to anesthetize. I have big feelings. They are loud and disruptive. I attempt to numb these emotions because sometimes they seem physically intolerable. I drink away awkwardness, frustration, and sorrow. I drink away grief; I drink away trauma. I drink away the good stuff, too, because even the tingle of excitement and exhilaration can seem too fervent to endure. Even joy can feel like fire. I would prefer to deprive myself of all sensation than to allow one sensation to rattle me or injure me.
“You can do this. Your body can do it. We’re retraining the brain.” – Meredith
You can’t press stop on real life. So instead I press play. I shut my bedroom door, turn on my computer, and take time for myself, knowing I’ll walk away stronger. My range of choices is vast, and I can watch my favorites over and over. What does my body need today—and more importantly, what does my brain need today? Maybe I need a nurturing and gentle practice. Often I need to shoot steam from my ears in beast mode. And occasionally, I just need to collapse on my mat and sob raw and ugly sobs.
Sitting with big feelings can prove more painful than any posture. I would gladly trade them for a Power Leg or a Boat Pose. I mean, I’ve encountered many a Narrow V I thought might just end my life. During those postures, I want to stop the burn, to give into the moment. And I think to myself mid-hold: “If you dig deep, you can get through this burn. If you can get through this burn, you can get through a drink craving.”
“Take it at your own pace. There is no judgement for taking it at your own pace.” – Andrew
Life is a balance challenge, and sober life feels particularly wobbly. Every day is different. Every day we meet a new reality. I try not to judge myself. But sometimes I crave my numb booze cocoon and think, “I should be over this by now. What’s taking me so long?” I vasciliate daily between being powerful warrior and a hot mess. I fall in and out of grace. Sometimes I find my feet rooted into the ground. Each is ok. Each is fine. I have moments of digging my heels deep, hoping I don’t crash and burn. But I’m having more moments where I emerge with more strength and grace.
Quitting drinking has rocked my world and rattled me to the core. The process has been equally brutal and beautiful. I’m so proud of my hard work. It is of crucial importance to collect items for a sober toolbox: an understanding community, healthy practices. When we have these tools, we set ourselves up for success. We learn how to rebuild and we can astonish ourselves by breaking through our own limits. So in those burning moments, we can say, “I’ve been here before. I’m stronger than I think.”
Thank you Jenni! Join the barre3 online community and sign up for a 15-day free trial today.
