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B3 STORY: “BARRE3 LITERALLY SAVED ME”
When I began barre3 over a year ago, I had no idea how it would change my life; I only knew that something had to change.
At the time, I was trying to celebrate living cancer-free for 15 years, yet I was hardly without the symptoms of a very ill patient. I slugged through my days, willing myself the energy to care for my 18-month-old and 3-year-old. Despite spending grueling hours running, cross-training, and kickboxing each week, I balanced in a place between exhausted and drained.
THE BACKSTORY: A LIFETIME OF SELF-LOATHING
To understand my journey, it will help to understand my lifelong relationship to fitness. For me, exercise was never about being “fit” per se—it was more about trying to look like Gwyneth Paltrow. It was about punishing myself for eating or saying the wrong thing. I grew up this way—loving fitness because it allowed me to acceptably hate and punish myself. I’d been a runner for what felt like my whole life. If I wasn’t dripping with sweat and sore enough to take painkillers the next day, then it wasn’t fitness.
Kickboxing especially satiated my need to discipline myself. The workouts were brutal, and I was often left sparring against men who were eight inches taller than me and at least a hundred pounds heavier. I had bruises and bumps to outwardly declare my devotion to fitness. For so much of my life, fitness and exercise existed in a place of self-loathing.
MY SHOCKING WAKE-UP CALL
A little more than a year ago my doctor diagnosed me with Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune disease that attacks the thyroid, which, in turn, wreaks havoc on most of the body’s finely-tuned systems. Also, to my complete shock, my blood tests indicated that I was a hair away from Type 2 Diabetes, despite my rigorous, pounding exercise regime.
The final blow came a few weeks later when I caught my kids’ cold. As they quickly recovered, I remained weak and coughing in bed. I was sore from doing endless push-ups, and my lungs ached as I tried to breathe.
TAKING A CHANCE ON B3
I admit that when I began barre3, I was more than skeptical. No dry-erase boards dangled from the walls, boasting pounds lifted and push-ups completed. Women emerged from the studio rosy-cheeked and dewy. And finally, and perhaps most condemning, the instructors were immediately kind and responsive, and I didn’t feel like I had to prove myself to them. They were lean in an athletic way, and I could tell that by the ease with which they performed the most difficult poses that they were much stronger me.
I took one class, and then returned for another. Then I received my Hashimoto’s diagnosis, along with a host of various symptoms that like to tag along with it—perimenopause at 37, weird skin infections, and hair that broke off or simply fell out. And the ongoing and nearly debilitating sense of exhaustion hovered just beyond my periphery. I felt as though I was missing my children’s lives, my husband’s life, and finally, my own life.
REBUILDING, ONE DEEP, CLEANSING BREATH AT A TIME
In those dark weeks, barre3 became my life raft. To feel my heart pounding and each muscle fiber quivering and demanding surrender hoisted me to the surface. It kept me present as my body grew leaner. I lost the post-baby pouch and learned how to “dive” my belly down, thus retraining those forgetful abdomen muscles. I began each class pressing my feet down and feeling air fill my lungs—those simple things nearly lost in the shuffle of daily life.
As I listened to each instructor, the phrase “mind-body connection” echoed within each class. At the time, I had no idea what that meant. I knew as I held a pose for the final three breaths my body said “Nope!” while my mind said, “You’d better finish it!” But the general term mind-body connection made me curious. I went to the library and checked out books on the subject. I signed up for a MBSR (mindfulness-based stress reduction) class. I learned that some illnesses are a result of a caustic mix of genetic predisposition and childhood trauma, an event or events so powerful that they allow your brain to reshape your cells.
All the while, I continued attending barre3 classes. As I gathered more information about the mind-body connection, I began to live it, and barre3 was my springboard. I began to understand that barre3 is a wholly comprehensive approach to finding and balancing your center through mind, body, and spirit. Rather than leaving me depleted, barre3 classes invigorated me and helped me face daily challenges.
I began using my barre3 breaths in all facets of life—in traffic, with my kids, and most importantly, when my mind began to snowball as I lay in bed at night. All the while, I have become so strong! My kickboxer’s bulk lengthened and leaned. My jeans fit me better. With barre3, I feel like my life fits me better. After all these years of hardcore fitness, barre3 has finally guided me into a place of self-acceptance. I don’t need to punish myself in order to exercise. I can simply be there, be present, and listen to my body at that particular moment on that particular day.
LEARNING TO LOVE THE JOURNEY
As I come to understand more about the mind-body connection, it is both a joyous and uncomfortable journey. Barre3 ignites that connection with each class, each time I push myself one inch lower or hold one beat longer. One of my favorite barre3 moves is Plank. A certain raw simplicity happens when I’m pressing away from the floor that I don’t experience anywhere else. There is no other pose that reminds me of how strong I am, how far I’ve come, or how all my muscles (and my brain) all work, work, work together to support me. The mind-body connection is about being present, right-there-right-then present, and Plank does nothing if it does not force you to be present.
My second favorite Barre3 move? The Water-Ski. I haven’t conquered it yet, and I can only imagine how ridiculous we must all look pretending to jet-ski along a barre attached to a wall. The old me likes the challenge and the burn, but the self-accepting me recognizes that my pelvic floor muscles aren’t what they used to be so I just need to be gentle with myself. To me, the mind-body connection that I take away from barre3 is when the body says, “Nope, you can’t do this because you have an injury or your muscles aren’t ready,” and my mind says, “Actually, you’re right, so we are going to back off.” It’s not about pushing or punishing; it’s about listening and being wise enough to know your body’s limits without feeling inferior or weak.
MY NEW HEALTHY
In her recent webinar, Sadie spoke about how it’s possible to over-exercise and how damaging and depleting this can be, particularly for women. I feel like in my rigorous pursuit of fitness, I had unknowingly forsaken my health. However, with barre3, I began to view exercise in a new way—I attend classes as a way to honor how far I’ve come, and I continue to grow stronger. While too much exercise can deteriorate an immune system and aggravate existing autoimmune conditions, barre3 classes help to control my inflammation. After attending barre3 for one year, my Type 2 Diabetes risk is gone, and my body is absorbing minerals and vitamins again.
My story is not one of grand weight loss; rather, it’s one of how barre3 reshaped my mind, thus shifting my perspective about what exercise should be and how it impacts our bodies and lives. I am not thin; I am strong and capable. Because of barre3, I have witnessed my body do incredible things both in and out of the studio. While “functional” and “practical” may not be considered compliments in the world of fitness, I believe that barre3 exists as both functional and practical because it readies our bodies and our minds for life outside the studio. In my experience, no other fitness program can take that accolade.
Barre3 provided a springboard to explore my own mind-body connection and move beyond my past while honoring my present body. Through holding poses, moving an inch, and intentionally breathing, I became present. Rather than punishing my body, each barre3 class celebrates its inherent strength while using my breath to rein in my mind. In this way, barre3 hasn’t just changed me; barre3 has literally saved me.
As told by Teresa Willbanks, client at barre3 San Clemente
When I began barre3 over a year ago, I had no idea how it would change my life; I only knew that something had to change.
At the time, I was trying to celebrate living cancer-free for 15 years, yet I was hardly without the symptoms of a very ill patient. I slugged through my days, willing myself the energy to care for my 18-month-old and 3-year-old. Despite spending grueling hours running, cross-training, and kickboxing each week, I balanced in a place between exhausted and drained.
THE BACKSTORY: A LIFETIME OF SELF-LOATHING
To understand my journey, it will help to understand my lifelong relationship to fitness. For me, exercise was never about being “fit” per se—it was more about trying to look like Gwyneth Paltrow. It was about punishing myself for eating or saying the wrong thing. I grew up this way—loving fitness because it allowed me to acceptably hate and punish myself. I’d been a runner for what felt like my whole life. If I wasn’t dripping with sweat and sore enough to take painkillers the next day, then it wasn’t fitness.
Kickboxing especially satiated my need to discipline myself. The workouts were brutal, and I was often left sparring against men who were eight inches taller than me and at least a hundred pounds heavier. I had bruises and bumps to outwardly declare my devotion to fitness. For so much of my life, fitness and exercise existed in a place of self-loathing.
MY SHOCKING WAKE-UP CALL
A little more than a year ago my doctor diagnosed me with Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune disease that attacks the thyroid, which, in turn, wreaks havoc on most of the body’s finely-tuned systems. Also, to my complete shock, my blood tests indicated that I was a hair away from Type 2 Diabetes, despite my rigorous, pounding exercise regime.
The final blow came a few weeks later when I caught my kids’ cold. As they quickly recovered, I remained weak and coughing in bed. I was sore from doing endless push-ups, and my lungs ached as I tried to breathe.
TAKING A CHANCE ON B3
I admit that when I began barre3, I was more than skeptical. No dry-erase boards dangled from the walls, boasting pounds lifted and push-ups completed. Women emerged from the studio rosy-cheeked and dewy. And finally, and perhaps most condemning, the instructors were immediately kind and responsive, and I didn’t feel like I had to prove myself to them. They were lean in an athletic way, and I could tell that by the ease with which they performed the most difficult poses that they were much stronger me.
I took one class, and then returned for another. Then I received my Hashimoto’s diagnosis, along with a host of various symptoms that like to tag along with it—perimenopause at 37, weird skin infections, and hair that broke off or simply fell out. And the ongoing and nearly debilitating sense of exhaustion hovered just beyond my periphery. I felt as though I was missing my children’s lives, my husband’s life, and finally, my own life.
REBUILDING, ONE DEEP, CLEANSING BREATH AT A TIME
In those dark weeks, barre3 became my life raft. To feel my heart pounding and each muscle fiber quivering and demanding surrender hoisted me to the surface. It kept me present as my body grew leaner. I lost the post-baby pouch and learned how to “dive” my belly down, thus retraining those forgetful abdomen muscles. I began each class pressing my feet down and feeling air fill my lungs—those simple things nearly lost in the shuffle of daily life.
As I listened to each instructor, the phrase “mind-body connection” echoed within each class. At the time, I had no idea what that meant. I knew as I held a pose for the final three breaths my body said “Nope!” while my mind said, “You’d better finish it!” But the general term mind-body connection made me curious. I went to the library and checked out books on the subject. I signed up for a MBSR (mindfulness-based stress reduction) class. I learned that some illnesses are a result of a caustic mix of genetic predisposition and childhood trauma, an event or events so powerful that they allow your brain to reshape your cells.
All the while, I continued attending barre3 classes. As I gathered more information about the mind-body connection, I began to live it, and barre3 was my springboard. I began to understand that barre3 is a wholly comprehensive approach to finding and balancing your center through mind, body, and spirit. Rather than leaving me depleted, barre3 classes invigorated me and helped me face daily challenges.
I began using my barre3 breaths in all facets of life—in traffic, with my kids, and most importantly, when my mind began to snowball as I lay in bed at night. All the while, I have become so strong! My kickboxer’s bulk lengthened and leaned. My jeans fit me better. With barre3, I feel like my life fits me better. After all these years of hardcore fitness, barre3 has finally guided me into a place of self-acceptance. I don’t need to punish myself in order to exercise. I can simply be there, be present, and listen to my body at that particular moment on that particular day.
LEARNING TO LOVE THE JOURNEY
As I come to understand more about the mind-body connection, it is both a joyous and uncomfortable journey. Barre3 ignites that connection with each class, each time I push myself one inch lower or hold one beat longer. One of my favorite barre3 moves is Plank. A certain raw simplicity happens when I’m pressing away from the floor that I don’t experience anywhere else. There is no other pose that reminds me of how strong I am, how far I’ve come, or how all my muscles (and my brain) all work, work, work together to support me. The mind-body connection is about being present, right-there-right-then present, and Plank does nothing if it does not force you to be present.
My second favorite Barre3 move? The Water-Ski. I haven’t conquered it yet, and I can only imagine how ridiculous we must all look pretending to jet-ski along a barre attached to a wall. The old me likes the challenge and the burn, but the self-accepting me recognizes that my pelvic floor muscles aren’t what they used to be so I just need to be gentle with myself. To me, the mind-body connection that I take away from barre3 is when the body says, “Nope, you can’t do this because you have an injury or your muscles aren’t ready,” and my mind says, “Actually, you’re right, so we are going to back off.” It’s not about pushing or punishing; it’s about listening and being wise enough to know your body’s limits without feeling inferior or weak.
MY NEW HEALTHY
In her recent webinar, Sadie spoke about how it’s possible to over-exercise and how damaging and depleting this can be, particularly for women. I feel like in my rigorous pursuit of fitness, I had unknowingly forsaken my health. However, with barre3, I began to view exercise in a new way—I attend classes as a way to honor how far I’ve come, and I continue to grow stronger. While too much exercise can deteriorate an immune system and aggravate existing autoimmune conditions, barre3 classes help to control my inflammation. After attending barre3 for one year, my Type 2 Diabetes risk is gone, and my body is absorbing minerals and vitamins again.
My story is not one of grand weight loss; rather, it’s one of how barre3 reshaped my mind, thus shifting my perspective about what exercise should be and how it impacts our bodies and lives. I am not thin; I am strong and capable. Because of barre3, I have witnessed my body do incredible things both in and out of the studio. While “functional” and “practical” may not be considered compliments in the world of fitness, I believe that barre3 exists as both functional and practical because it readies our bodies and our minds for life outside the studio. In my experience, no other fitness program can take that accolade.
Barre3 provided a springboard to explore my own mind-body connection and move beyond my past while honoring my present body. Through holding poses, moving an inch, and intentionally breathing, I became present. Rather than punishing my body, each barre3 class celebrates its inherent strength while using my breath to rein in my mind. In this way, barre3 hasn’t just changed me; barre3 has literally saved me.
As told by Teresa Willbanks, client at barre3 San Clemente
