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I’M A BETTER MOM BECAUSE OF YOU
This is a love letter to Mariah, the young woman who takes care of my children and my home. But first let me explain why I feel the need to express my deep gratitude for what she does for me.
I always knew I wanted to be a mom. Some of my earliest memories are playing mommy with my cat or any other willing participant I could nurture, discipline, and look after.
What I didn’t always know is that I was going to be a CEO of a dynamic company. In fact, I had no real desire to have a “corporate” career. I didn’t even have college goals. In high school I opted out of the SAT. Instead I moved from Eugene, Oregon to L.A. to get to know my father and enrolled at Santa Monica City College. I ended up transferring into UCLA, and my path to where I am today began to unfold. I went to graduate school at the College of William and Mary, followed by ten years of a rewarding career working for a large fitness company. I married Chris, and then finally I arrived: I became a mother to Audrey and then, 18 months later, Drew. I did it!
I was blessed to be able to stay at home with my kids for two years. But here’s where it gets real. I was deeply humbled by what a butt-kicker being a stay-at-home mom was. And I had this insatiable drive inside of me that pulled me away from being at home with them. I needed a change, but I wanted it on my terms. It was during these years that I began to develop my plan for barre3. I wrote my business plan around being a mother, thinking why can’t I create a career where I can both work and be a mom at the same time?
So, I tried. Chris and I installed a baby gate in our first barre3 studio in the Pearl District here in Portland. I figured I would bring my babies to work with me. How cool to have a baby on one hip, while rocking my career, right? WRONG. This totally backfired. I ended up failing both as a mother and as a new business owner because neither got the unwavering focus they deserved.
I realized that I needed help, but I was scarred by the image I had in my mind about what “help” meant. Partially because I read books like The Nanny Diaries and The Devil Wears Prada, but also because I identified with my mom and how she raised me. She worked full-time and didn’t hire help. She couldn’t afford it. She never hired anyone to watch me because she had a brilliant support system with her best friends, who helped raise me in the early years. To this day, these women are a huge part of my life. They are my “aunties,” and their children are like brothers and sisters to me. My mother and my aunties figured out this new model of communal parenting, which, in the early 70’s in Taos, New Mexico, worked. In later years I was also a latch-key kid and to be honest, Wonder Woman, Little House on the Prairie, and The Bionic Man helped raise me, too.
So, obviously, the times are different and my path is not the same as the one my mom was on. My choices afford me the luxury of hiring a nanny. Today I have let go of the fear of having someone help me raise my children, as well as the taboo of having “help.” Instead I fully embrace and celebrate how very important having our nanny, Mariah, is. And now I get to gush…
First of all, Mariah is not just a nanny. She is, hands down, my most important leader here at barre3—even if she rarely steps foot in the office. My life and work are integrated, and Mariah gives my family the order, structure, discipline, and love that we all need to succeed. In helping care for my children and managing my home, she helps ME develop and grow as a person. This is what all good leaders do—and she is no exception.
There are moments when I’m conflicted—like right now, as I look up at the clock and realize Mariah is probably picking up my kids from school. These moments of magic are precious, and I have chosen to give them to her. But what she brings to our family is equally magical and something I focus on versus the mom-guilt that creeps in. I’ve come to realize that Mariah’s role isn’t that different from my aunties who helped my mom raise me. I am thankful my children have her different point of view to learn from. I am relieved that they have someone young and cool to talk to about school, growing up, and life’s tough lessons. They don’t listen to me the same way they listen to her. What a gift to give my kids another person who can support them, care for them, have their back, and be there for them. And Mariah does this without distraction—which is the biggest blessing of all. She is totally, 100% dedicated to her job of taking care of all of us. This accountability and unwavering support is something special.
So, I dedicate this Mother’s Day to Mariah and to all of you out there who help us moms. Every home is different, and every support network is shaped accordingly. But what is true for all mothers, is that getting help is healthy and good. So, here’s to honoring those who help us, whether it’s a family member, a daycare, a nanny, a partner, neighbors, (or even the television for goodness sake!) You make this humbling and wonderful journey of motherhood even better.
This is a love letter to Mariah, the young woman who takes care of my children and my home. But first let me explain why I feel the need to express my deep gratitude for what she does for me.
I always knew I wanted to be a mom. Some of my earliest memories are playing mommy with my cat or any other willing participant I could nurture, discipline, and look after.
What I didn’t always know is that I was going to be a CEO of a dynamic company. In fact, I had no real desire to have a “corporate” career. I didn’t even have college goals. In high school I opted out of the SAT. Instead I moved from Eugene, Oregon to L.A. to get to know my father and enrolled at Santa Monica City College. I ended up transferring into UCLA, and my path to where I am today began to unfold. I went to graduate school at the College of William and Mary, followed by ten years of a rewarding career working for a large fitness company. I married Chris, and then finally I arrived: I became a mother to Audrey and then, 18 months later, Drew. I did it!
I was blessed to be able to stay at home with my kids for two years. But here’s where it gets real. I was deeply humbled by what a butt-kicker being a stay-at-home mom was. And I had this insatiable drive inside of me that pulled me away from being at home with them. I needed a change, but I wanted it on my terms. It was during these years that I began to develop my plan for barre3. I wrote my business plan around being a mother, thinking why can’t I create a career where I can both work and be a mom at the same time?
So, I tried. Chris and I installed a baby gate in our first barre3 studio in the Pearl District here in Portland. I figured I would bring my babies to work with me. How cool to have a baby on one hip, while rocking my career, right? WRONG. This totally backfired. I ended up failing both as a mother and as a new business owner because neither got the unwavering focus they deserved.
I realized that I needed help, but I was scarred by the image I had in my mind about what “help” meant. Partially because I read books like The Nanny Diaries and The Devil Wears Prada, but also because I identified with my mom and how she raised me. She worked full-time and didn’t hire help. She couldn’t afford it. She never hired anyone to watch me because she had a brilliant support system with her best friends, who helped raise me in the early years. To this day, these women are a huge part of my life. They are my “aunties,” and their children are like brothers and sisters to me. My mother and my aunties figured out this new model of communal parenting, which, in the early 70’s in Taos, New Mexico, worked. In later years I was also a latch-key kid and to be honest, Wonder Woman, Little House on the Prairie, and The Bionic Man helped raise me, too.
So, obviously, the times are different and my path is not the same as the one my mom was on. My choices afford me the luxury of hiring a nanny. Today I have let go of the fear of having someone help me raise my children, as well as the taboo of having “help.” Instead I fully embrace and celebrate how very important having our nanny, Mariah, is. And now I get to gush…
First of all, Mariah is not just a nanny. She is, hands down, my most important leader here at barre3—even if she rarely steps foot in the office. My life and work are integrated, and Mariah gives my family the order, structure, discipline, and love that we all need to succeed. In helping care for my children and managing my home, she helps ME develop and grow as a person. This is what all good leaders do—and she is no exception.
There are moments when I’m conflicted—like right now, as I look up at the clock and realize Mariah is probably picking up my kids from school. These moments of magic are precious, and I have chosen to give them to her. But what she brings to our family is equally magical and something I focus on versus the mom-guilt that creeps in. I’ve come to realize that Mariah’s role isn’t that different from my aunties who helped my mom raise me. I am thankful my children have her different point of view to learn from. I am relieved that they have someone young and cool to talk to about school, growing up, and life’s tough lessons. They don’t listen to me the same way they listen to her. What a gift to give my kids another person who can support them, care for them, have their back, and be there for them. And Mariah does this without distraction—which is the biggest blessing of all. She is totally, 100% dedicated to her job of taking care of all of us. This accountability and unwavering support is something special.
So, I dedicate this Mother’s Day to Mariah and to all of you out there who help us moms. Every home is different, and every support network is shaped accordingly. But what is true for all mothers, is that getting help is healthy and good. So, here’s to honoring those who help us, whether it’s a family member, a daycare, a nanny, a partner, neighbors, (or even the television for goodness sake!) You make this humbling and wonderful journey of motherhood even better.
