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Let’s Change the Conversation About Aging
When my family and I were on our road trip through Utah this summer, we spent a full day hiking The Narrows in Zion National Park. Our adventure involved wading upstream for miles and navigating boulders and slippery rocks. The next morning when we woke up, the kids bounded out of bed. Chris and I just looked at each other and laughed. Our aching bodies were certainly not ready to bound anywhere just yet. I knew we were thinking the same thing: We’re old!
And it didn’t bring us down for a second. Sure, our bodies were a little (ok a lot) stiff, and yes, we were in awe of the ease with which our kids bounced around us, quick and nimble and full of energy. But why focus on the crick in my neck or the tightness in my hips? I’d rather think about how lucky we are that we can take on a challenging hike and share unforgettable moments with our children.
Lately I’ve been practicing a shift in my thinking: Instead of lamenting 44 my years, I am focused on being grateful for them. In theory this seems like a practical solution to aging happily right? I mean, we are all in this together so we might as well embrace it. But in reality, there is a constant negative dialogue around age that makes it difficult to remember something so obvious. I want to change this.
What if we turned every statement about getting older from a negative to a positive? Take, for example, my conversations with my girlfriends. I’ve noticed that often when we’re together, bonding and feeling candid, we’ll blurt out the “I’m so old” line—complete with eye-roll—or we’ll point out the telltale signs of aging. “Look at these crow’s feet!” “The skin on my hands looks like my grandmother’s!” I want to shift our perspective. Those crows feet are the result of years of laughing until I cried. Those hands prepare nourishing meals for my family—and they’re the same hands that support me during Plank when I’m in class. This simple shift turns aging into a source of pride, not of shame.
As I work toward shifting my own perspective about age, two things have helped me—and I would love to share them with you. The first is proactively surrounding myself with older women I admire. We get plenty of exposure to inspiring young women in the media, but lead roles for women who are middle-aged or beyond are few and far between. I am blessed because every day I walk into a barre3 studio and I get to hang out with smart, cool, fun women of all ages. The older women I gravitate to are not hindered by age, and they aren’t wasting any time fighting it off. They’re too busy being forces of nature, and that—not their age—is what I see when I’m with them. These are my leading ladies.
The second thing that has helped me embrace aging is learning to be present and in love with this body I get to live in. How? With a regular barre3 practice and a twice-a-day mindfulness practice. Barre3 has empowered me to find my strongest, most energetic self, even as my body changes with age, and my mindfulness practice has given me the tools I need to gain perspective. Instead of wishing my body were 10 years younger or worrying about how it will look in 10 years, both practices have taught me to accept it as it is right now. Living in the present helps bring everything into hyperfocus, giving me a technicolor appreciation for all that I have. My younger self might have taken The Narrows hike for granted, but my almost 44-year-old self appreciated every step of it—and that’s why, when Chris and I woke up the next morning, stiff and sore, I was grateful. This is aging, and I’m so very lucky to experience it.
So for my birthday this year, I have one wish: I invite you to join me in working to change the dialogue around aging. We can start with seemingly small things like inflection. Instead of “I’m so old,” try “I’m so old!” When someone asks your age, answer with enthusiasm, not shame. When conversations about age start to go negative, friends one-upping each other about their newest wrinkle or latest age spot, throw everyone a curveball by talking about a positive aspect of aging—how much more comfortable you feel in your skin, maybe, or how you rocked your Sumo Squats that morning. And then get out there and do something that celebrates all the amazing things your body can do today. I promise to do the same.
When my family and I were on our road trip through Utah this summer, we spent a full day hiking The Narrows in Zion National Park. Our adventure involved wading upstream for miles and navigating boulders and slippery rocks. The next morning when we woke up, the kids bounded out of bed. Chris and I just looked at each other and laughed. Our aching bodies were certainly not ready to bound anywhere just yet. I knew we were thinking the same thing: We’re old!
And it didn’t bring us down for a second. Sure, our bodies were a little (ok a lot) stiff, and yes, we were in awe of the ease with which our kids bounced around us, quick and nimble and full of energy. But why focus on the crick in my neck or the tightness in my hips? I’d rather think about how lucky we are that we can take on a challenging hike and share unforgettable moments with our children.
Lately I’ve been practicing a shift in my thinking: Instead of lamenting 44 my years, I am focused on being grateful for them. In theory this seems like a practical solution to aging happily right? I mean, we are all in this together so we might as well embrace it. But in reality, there is a constant negative dialogue around age that makes it difficult to remember something so obvious. I want to change this.
What if we turned every statement about getting older from a negative to a positive? Take, for example, my conversations with my girlfriends. I’ve noticed that often when we’re together, bonding and feeling candid, we’ll blurt out the “I’m so old” line—complete with eye-roll—or we’ll point out the telltale signs of aging. “Look at these crow’s feet!” “The skin on my hands looks like my grandmother’s!” I want to shift our perspective. Those crows feet are the result of years of laughing until I cried. Those hands prepare nourishing meals for my family—and they’re the same hands that support me during Plank when I’m in class. This simple shift turns aging into a source of pride, not of shame.
As I work toward shifting my own perspective about age, two things have helped me—and I would love to share them with you. The first is proactively surrounding myself with older women I admire. We get plenty of exposure to inspiring young women in the media, but lead roles for women who are middle-aged or beyond are few and far between. I am blessed because every day I walk into a barre3 studio and I get to hang out with smart, cool, fun women of all ages. The older women I gravitate to are not hindered by age, and they aren’t wasting any time fighting it off. They’re too busy being forces of nature, and that—not their age—is what I see when I’m with them. These are my leading ladies.
The second thing that has helped me embrace aging is learning to be present and in love with this body I get to live in. How? With a regular barre3 practice and a twice-a-day mindfulness practice. Barre3 has empowered me to find my strongest, most energetic self, even as my body changes with age, and my mindfulness practice has given me the tools I need to gain perspective. Instead of wishing my body were 10 years younger or worrying about how it will look in 10 years, both practices have taught me to accept it as it is right now. Living in the present helps bring everything into hyperfocus, giving me a technicolor appreciation for all that I have. My younger self might have taken The Narrows hike for granted, but my almost 44-year-old self appreciated every step of it—and that’s why, when Chris and I woke up the next morning, stiff and sore, I was grateful. This is aging, and I’m so very lucky to experience it.
So for my birthday this year, I have one wish: I invite you to join me in working to change the dialogue around aging. We can start with seemingly small things like inflection. Instead of “I’m so old,” try “I’m so old!” When someone asks your age, answer with enthusiasm, not shame. When conversations about age start to go negative, friends one-upping each other about their newest wrinkle or latest age spot, throw everyone a curveball by talking about a positive aspect of aging—how much more comfortable you feel in your skin, maybe, or how you rocked your Sumo Squats that morning. And then get out there and do something that celebrates all the amazing things your body can do today. I promise to do the same.
