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ESSENTIAL ADVICE FOR NEW MOMS—AND THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEM
As a culture, we’re great about showering moms-to-be with gifts before the baby is born, maybe even dropping off a meal right after. But beyond that, our efforts tend to drop off—which is a shame, since those first weeks and months post-baby are exactly when moms could use some serious support.
That’s why we were so intrigued when we first learned about Anjelica Malone. A doula, lactation counselor, and perinatal educator—and a client at barre3 Ballard, in Seattle—Malone has built her business around supporting women throughout their motherhood journey. This includes everything from private-group sessions where she helps women get in tune with their bodies’ rhythms to prep for pregnancy, to one-on-one post-partum sessions to help new mothers adjust to their new world. The guiding principle through all of her services is her belief that there is great power around women gathering and holding space for one another—something that has been intrinsic to barre3 since we opened our first studio ten years ago.
We asked Malone to share her top tips for new motherhood—both for the new moms and for their loved ones. After all, it takes a village. Read on for her advice.
IF YOU’RE A NEW MOM…
CREATE A PLAN. Before you give birth, prepare to dedicate a small bit of time to postpartum recovery and bonding as a family. Many cultures refer to this as “lying-in.” In Milk Boss 101 I provide a more modern approach to this lovely tradition. You can hire a postpartum doula to come for a few hours during the first days home to help you process your birth, care for your newborn, assist with basic breastfeeding challenges, and provide referrals to local health professionals when needed. You’ll want to set expectations with family and friends prenatally about how you’d like them to support you and respect your boundaries once home.
SAY YES. To help that is—not because you can’t do it, but because you want to be freed up to focus on your baby. Think of it this way: Every bit of energy you use to clean a sink full of dishes or make fresh nut milk from scratch is time where someone else gets to enjoy your newborn’s coos and sweet baby smell. Allow yourself to enjoy this precious fleeting phase.
HIRE PROFESSIONALS IF POSSIBLE. For the things you’re particular about—whether it be house cleaning or gluten-free cooking, choose a professional to do it. They will likely complete the tasks efficiently, leaving you plenty of time to cuddle with your babe. Also, if they do it incorrectly, you’ll feel less guilty about telling them so, and you’ll preserve your relationship with your partner and friends.
STAY PRESENT. Allow each moment to be its own. As the days and nights of new parenting seem to meld together, it’s easy to feel as though you’ll be in this ominous stage forever. this is a very normal feeling—and it will get better. Incorporating a relaxation practice of slow breathing and daily journaling can be extremely beneficial. Take a few minutes each day and complete what I call a Mind, Body, Abode Reflection. Take note of how you’re processing things mentally, how you’re healing physically, and how you’re adjusting to life at home with your new family member.
IF YOU’RE A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER OF A NEW MOM…
BE AFFIRMING. Remind mama of just how amazing she is. The most high-performing and driven women still experience baby blues and sadness during the initial weeks and months after birth. It’s important that her tribe be there to champion her and rally behind her as she takes on this new role.
OFFER HELP. Take the initiative and take out the trash, scrub a few dishes, and give the bathroom sink a wipe down. Though there may typically be a particular way in which the dishes are put away and the living room is tidied, I guarantee that at this time the family will value walking into a kitchen that is clear of clutter—even if a few things are out of place.
ASK QUESTIONS. New mamas often struggle with feeling overwhelmed, like they aren’t enough, or that their body is no longer their own. One of the best ways to help is by creating plenty of opportunities for her to share her emotions and voice any negative thoughts. You can simply ask, “What things have been weighing on you?” or “How can I help you feel supported?”
PLAY DEFENSE. There will always be that person who stops by unannounced or overstays their welcome. If you are the mama’s partner or close friend, this is the time where it’s very important to step in. Talk with mama beforehand and come up with a code word or phrase that she can use to signal to you to start wrapping up the conversation and usher that person toward the door. This prevents her from having to take on the stress of disappointing anyone.
Anjelica Malone is a former Third Culture Kid turned Global Mama. She is also a trained perinatal educator and doula who’s served women in New York, Puerto Rico, Guam, and now Seattle. Her global experiences influence her passion to help women navigate life and motherhood in an intuitive and culturally-sensitve way. Anjelica enjoys sharing her wisdom and unique wellness practices with women around the globe through individualized perinatal services, speaking events, and intimate gatherings. Anjelica lives in Seattle, Washington with her husband, two Little Women, and their mini dachshund Aoki. You can discover more about her and read her writings at AnjelicaMalone.com.
As a culture, we’re great about showering moms-to-be with gifts before the baby is born, maybe even dropping off a meal right after. But beyond that, our efforts tend to drop off—which is a shame, since those first weeks and months post-baby are exactly when moms could use some serious support.
That’s why we were so intrigued when we first learned about Anjelica Malone. A doula, lactation counselor, and perinatal educator—and a client at barre3 Ballard, in Seattle—Malone has built her business around supporting women throughout their motherhood journey. This includes everything from private-group sessions where she helps women get in tune with their bodies’ rhythms to prep for pregnancy, to one-on-one post-partum sessions to help new mothers adjust to their new world. The guiding principle through all of her services is her belief that there is great power around women gathering and holding space for one another—something that has been intrinsic to barre3 since we opened our first studio ten years ago.
We asked Malone to share her top tips for new motherhood—both for the new moms and for their loved ones. After all, it takes a village. Read on for her advice.
IF YOU’RE A NEW MOM…
CREATE A PLAN. Before you give birth, prepare to dedicate a small bit of time to postpartum recovery and bonding as a family. Many cultures refer to this as “lying-in.” In Milk Boss 101 I provide a more modern approach to this lovely tradition. You can hire a postpartum doula to come for a few hours during the first days home to help you process your birth, care for your newborn, assist with basic breastfeeding challenges, and provide referrals to local health professionals when needed. You’ll want to set expectations with family and friends prenatally about how you’d like them to support you and respect your boundaries once home.
SAY YES. To help that is—not because you can’t do it, but because you want to be freed up to focus on your baby. Think of it this way: Every bit of energy you use to clean a sink full of dishes or make fresh nut milk from scratch is time where someone else gets to enjoy your newborn’s coos and sweet baby smell. Allow yourself to enjoy this precious fleeting phase.
HIRE PROFESSIONALS IF POSSIBLE. For the things you’re particular about—whether it be house cleaning or gluten-free cooking, choose a professional to do it. They will likely complete the tasks efficiently, leaving you plenty of time to cuddle with your babe. Also, if they do it incorrectly, you’ll feel less guilty about telling them so, and you’ll preserve your relationship with your partner and friends.
STAY PRESENT. Allow each moment to be its own. As the days and nights of new parenting seem to meld together, it’s easy to feel as though you’ll be in this ominous stage forever. this is a very normal feeling—and it will get better. Incorporating a relaxation practice of slow breathing and daily journaling can be extremely beneficial. Take a few minutes each day and complete what I call a Mind, Body, Abode Reflection. Take note of how you’re processing things mentally, how you’re healing physically, and how you’re adjusting to life at home with your new family member.
IF YOU’RE A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER OF A NEW MOM…
BE AFFIRMING. Remind mama of just how amazing she is. The most high-performing and driven women still experience baby blues and sadness during the initial weeks and months after birth. It’s important that her tribe be there to champion her and rally behind her as she takes on this new role.
OFFER HELP. Take the initiative and take out the trash, scrub a few dishes, and give the bathroom sink a wipe down. Though there may typically be a particular way in which the dishes are put away and the living room is tidied, I guarantee that at this time the family will value walking into a kitchen that is clear of clutter—even if a few things are out of place.
ASK QUESTIONS. New mamas often struggle with feeling overwhelmed, like they aren’t enough, or that their body is no longer their own. One of the best ways to help is by creating plenty of opportunities for her to share her emotions and voice any negative thoughts. You can simply ask, “What things have been weighing on you?” or “How can I help you feel supported?”
PLAY DEFENSE. There will always be that person who stops by unannounced or overstays their welcome. If you are the mama’s partner or close friend, this is the time where it’s very important to step in. Talk with mama beforehand and come up with a code word or phrase that she can use to signal to you to start wrapping up the conversation and usher that person toward the door. This prevents her from having to take on the stress of disappointing anyone.
Anjelica Malone is a former Third Culture Kid turned Global Mama. She is also a trained perinatal educator and doula who’s served women in New York, Puerto Rico, Guam, and now Seattle. Her global experiences influence her passion to help women navigate life and motherhood in an intuitive and culturally-sensitve way. Anjelica enjoys sharing her wisdom and unique wellness practices with women around the globe through individualized perinatal services, speaking events, and intimate gatherings. Anjelica lives in Seattle, Washington with her husband, two Little Women, and their mini dachshund Aoki. You can discover more about her and read her writings at AnjelicaMalone.com.
